Read the poem this charming, unintelligible Scottish man composed for Laphroaig

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"Let's exalt Laphroaig!" declares poet Elvis McGonagall in latest video for #opinionswelcome campaign

On Jan. 25, Scots around the world will once again commemorate Burns Night — an annual celebration of poet Robert Burns — by gorging on haggis, verse and scotch. This year, Laphroaig single malt scotch whisky is marking the occasion with a Web video featuring slam poet Elvis McGonagall reading an original ode to the smoky, salty inebriant.

The 90-second video is pretty simple: McGonagall sits in a leather chair in front of a crackling fire, pours himself a glass of Laphroaig (neat, natch) and waxes lyrical about the "how-do-you-pronounce-it’ malt. (Luh-FROY, for the record.)

The poem is a tribute not just to the whisky, but to Burns’ "Ode to a Haggis," which is traditionally recited on Burns Night. A 45-second version exists as well, for those who fill up quickly on thick, Scottish brogue.

As charming as the video is, it can be difficult for a non-Scot to decipher precisely what McGonagall is saying. So we’ve included the text of the poem below.

The video, by agency WhiteLabel UK, is the latest spot in Laphroaig’s #opinionswelcome campaign, which embraces the drink’s polarizing taste by celebrating the full spectrum of opinions about it — positive and otherwise. In November, the brand released a series of Thanksgiving videos in which comedians shared the drink with their families, not all of whom appreciated the taste.

Ode To Laphroaig
By Elvis McGonagall
"The "How-Do-You-Pronounce-It?" malt Wi’ which some Sassenachs find fault Aw’ storm-lashed-sea-spray-smoky-salt
Let’s exalt Laphroaig
Islay rain on heather, moss and grass 
Through kiln ‘n cask, frae grain tae glass A snort, a drop, a dram o’ class
Crack open the Laphroaig
A richt rambusteous "amber bead" 
No yin fur faintheart or weak-kneed 
A muckle skelp aboot the heid
Pure radge that Laphroaig
Uisge beathe nae moonshine booze 
The nectar that the angels choose 
Ambrosia, immortal muse
Bottled poetry Laphroaig
In seven pot stills by the ocean 
Liquid joy, sweet peaty potion 
A burning kiss of deep devotion
Ooh la la Laphroaig
Tastebuds flyin’ as high as a kite 
Brain burstin’ oot in fairy lights 
A deoch-an-doris tae cap the night


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